Dear Me,

I know I have been extremely hard on you! I have pushed you to the point of anxiety, fear, and confusion. There were rigid boundaries you thought you couldn’t cross. It was hard. Exhausting at times, more times than you could count actually. It was mostly mental though. Sleepless nights, stomach aches from anxiety, and minor headaches. All because of two things: purpose and love.

Yep you slipped and feel in love lol. The kind of love that made you want to revamp your whole plan and elope. “Will you marry me. Hell yeah I will”. Wait that part didn’t happen. Your heart was taken though. It (meaning your emotions) was ready to jump. However, it was quite consuming on both ends. It pulled pieces of yourself that were meant to stay in the incubator a little while longer to mature.

I believe there is a time to unite....but it was NOT time and you were NOT ready. Your life wasn’t ready to be joined with someone else’s at the time. You were/are still in search of your “real slim shady.” Getting fully engulfed in who you are and who you’re suppose to be should’ve been your main focus. Sharing your existence so closely with someone else showed you many things. You still had minor self-esteem issues, you are controlling at times, your attitude needs to unlearn some negative habits, and first you have to be secure with yourself and mainly God….. amongst many other revelations. It was a great experience though. To love and be loved so deeply is a gift. Having shared many life experiences. To be honest I’m not sure you would have come to this point of awareness if it had not been for y’all union. Let me keep it real. You still see him and you still talk to him a whole lot, trying to establish Godly standards and boundaries. It’s a struggle though because love is so present and deeply settled, but knowing timing and purpose are everything. Gods plan is everything. Harmoniously you try your best to breathe self-discipline and focus on your purpose, while still squeezing out as much time as you can to communicate.

Your main struggle was you overcoming yourself though (Constant daily battles). Exhausting yourself so far beyond measure that you broke out in a rash trying to accomplish so much in so little time. Took on a play with the admirable “Black Repertory Theatre”. Finally launched your baby (Your Blog). Moved into your own apartment for the first time at 30. Yeah you heard right, FIRST. Poor lil tink tink was a slow starter, or more so right on time. Anyway it had been an uncomfortable year, which is exactly how you needed it to be. Pulling and bending every limb out of place. Trying your best to hold on to false security, but with every small step of bravery your grip slipped more and more. There was no turning back. Life (God) had carried you across a bridge that burned right behind you. This new territory was now your home, to stay, to grow, to BECOME.

In consequently, you’re still yet continuously crawling toward your purpose every waking day. Like a caterpillar traveling countless miles seeking the perfect place to cocoon. Honestly, you’d rather hang with the crowd on the surface of mediocrity than to hang above, alone, yet flourishing. It’s intimidating being so high up, and being alone with no guarantee that you’re safe and that someone will catch you if you fall. But you’ve got to realize that you didn’t choose this purpose, it was appointed. You didn’t choose God, he chose you. So you couldn’t be comfortable and mediocre, well you couldn’t stay that-way. You had to PUSH. Not knowing exactly what you were pushing for necessarily, but pushing forward.

Side Note: I think we get caught up in the “knowing”. We think we need to know everything. What’s next, the exact step, who we are, who our mate is, what our purpose is, etc.. But I’ve come to the realization that the true beauty of life lies in the unknown, the unfathomable. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, “says the Lord. So I have to rest on that plan, despite me knowing it lol.

You also spent more time in your quiet place. Just you and God. The security you have when you find out you are being held, being taken care of, being protected, and just BEING is peaceful. With no effort of yourself. Being “Shunda” for “I AM YOU” took effort. Being Shunda for God, and my existence required me to be present, and a lot of the time you need to be present before you can perform.

You’ve also realized that you need people. You need help. You’re not living in this big world all by yourself. Honestly, you couldn’t have made it this far alone. For some reason you thought you were always in competition, a paradigm you obtained from childhood. Wanting to be the best at everything in order to be feel worthy. Plus you live in a society where there is so much competition that only the strong survive, But with everything inside you fought against your preprogramed behavior. You fought because it created in you a person who didn’t see people as thy neighbor, but as thine enemy. However with acknowledgment, prayer, research, and coming to yourself, you consistently worked through that issue. Still working on it though. Seeing people for who they were helped you love them, it helped you appreciate their unique gifts. Free from the fear of asking for help without feeling less than and swift to lend a hand. This year would not have been possible without people. Their encouragement, help, advice, and love is the reason “ I AM YOU” was finally launched.

In my closing of season 1, thank you! Thank you for being open to my gift. Thank you for reading my blogs and commenting. Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for inboxing me encouraging words. Thank you for all the shares and likes. Thanks to everyone who came aboard and shared your story. Special thanks to these three people who pushed the hell of of me in this season; Bryce Green, Precious Roby, and Jania Crockett. Thank you three for carrying me on your shoulders. I needed that ride. To my faithful family who have always been on board to share my blog posts. I see y’all and I appreciate y’all!! For everyone who has helped me with doing life I appreciate you. Thank y’all for all the connects, the phone calls about deep rooted issues, the shout outs, and the opportunity to jump on your projects throughout the years.

SEASON 2 in the making!!! Be on the look out! Something different is in store. Dates T.B.A!